Atlantic Ocean Beard-Growing Competition
1 February 2009
America > Brazil > Salvador de Brazil
de Bahia, Brazil
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Canadian Crowned Champion of Atlantic Ocean Beard-Growing
Gerry of Dawson City, Yukon has been proclaimed the overall
winner of the Inaugural Atlantic Ocean Beard-Growing Competition,
an event held over the month of January during the crossing
of the Southern Atlantic Ocean by a large gathering of sailboats
participating in the Heineken Cape-to-Bahia race and World
ARC sailing rally.
Not normally a person to sport face furniture, Gerry was
ecstatic when chosen unanimously over a field of 21 entrants
by a panel of blindfolded judges at the final weigh-in.
The weigh-in was held in the marina tavern of Salvador,
When reached for comment, Gerry denied that being a man
of Northern latitudes gave him a competitive edge. "I
will admit that the Yukon is a good training ground for
growing a proper beard," he said, "but the real
key to successful
beard-growing lies in good genes and a strict adherence
to a rigorous schedule of shampooing and conditioning."
The rules of the competition were quite simple. Participants
were required to shave between New Year's Day and January
3rd, the start date of the ocean crossing. Because most
of the competition's duration occured in International Waters,
contestants needed not to adhere to the normal standards
of an officially-sanctioned beard-growing event. That said,
all sailors claimed their beards were free of surgical implants
and none had used any performance-enhancing drugs with the
exception of an occaisonal dose of Viagra.
were awarded for length and girth, style, consistency and
softness, as well as trim quality. Curiously, points were
not awarded for beard hygiene. The female judges were selected
at random - or more specifically, the only ones who didn't
flee when approached by a group of 21 hairy sailors (who
had been at sea for up to 3 weeks) carrying blindfolds.
In fact, their willingness to participate is still a hotly
debated subject of interest.
The judges, Julia and Janet of Britain, admitted their
job was a daunting task. "Most of the beards were very
hard to judge properly," they commented. "Many
contained food crumbs and seabird nests which were distracting.
It's also hard to award points fairly when many of the competitors
possess more than one chin."
prizes were awarded for notable soup-strainers. New Zealander
Adrian, winner of the "Best Looking Beard" award,
seemed overcome by the newfound fame. "Winning this
prize has changed my life forever! This is without doubt
the most significant thing that has ever happened to me,"
he gushed before collapsing into tears of joy and being
helped back to his cabin by supporters.
James of Britain received an honourable mention by completing
altering his appearance and winning the "Man Incognito
Award". He proudly stated that he had observed all
trimming protocol laid out by the Royal Beard-and-Moustache
Association and had kept a detailed hourly log on his beard's
up huge points in the girth department was Wolfgang of Germany.
He was awarded the prestigious "Longest Beard Award".
Wolfgang looked very pleased, and as a man of very large
stature, he provided evidence that hair may actually grow
faster at higher altitudes. Behind him, Bob of Britain,
winner of the "Santa Claus Award" looked on.
Women were also encouraged to enter the competition in
the "Open Division", the only rule being that
any body part could be entered as long as it had been shaven
in Cape Town and thoroughly inspected and publicly waxed
upon arrival to Brazil. Sadly, no women stepped forwarded
to accept the challenge.
Contest officials would like to thank all the participants
and especially the judges for the enormous success of the
event. See you next year!
Photos by Mandy P.